Monday, August 16, 2010

How can I stop feeling bad about the end of this friendship?

Basically, last year I met a guy. I found him incredibly attractive but got over my initial crush when I realised a relationship wouldn't work because he was immature (never had a girlfriend) and had a few other significant flaws (drank too much on weekend). Unfortunately, by that time he'd become into me and so we became close for a couple of months when he'd contact me often, invite me to places etc. I was very lonely at the time and appreciated having a new friend. I didn't realise he probably wanted to go out with me.

I then found out he gossiped about me to other people and I confronted him, I didn't shout or get abusive or annoyed but I was pretty cold and showed I was upset. After he'd apologised I tried to not old a grudge and bring things back to normal but by that time he'd decided to really tone things down with me and now we rarely talk.

I know it sounds stupid because we weren't friends for long but I miss him, I miss being invited places by him, a lot of our mutual friends get invited to his stuff and they ask me if I'm going and I have to say no, I didn't get an invite. I know I shouldn't feel hurt because it was a brief friendship - well, effectively a type of fling - and I've been hurt in much worse ways, but for some reason I can't get over the rejection because I still don't understand what I did wrong. I don't know how to make it up with him.

How can I either get things better (confront him again about ignoring me seems a bit lame, should I contact him more and seem keen without actually opening myself to rejection?) or more importantly how can I not care when everybody gets an invite and I don't?How can I stop feeling bad about the end of this friendship?
I think you should first decide if you want to be friends with him, more than friends or not friends at all. You should definitely ask him to meet you for dinner, coffee or somewhere and ask him what's up. Talk to him about what happened, why he gossiped about you and get to the point of what does he want with you, friendship, dating or nothing. I guess you just really need to talk to him, that's the best thing to do, to see where his head is at.

If your feeling upset about your friends getting invited and you not getting invited by him, just try to keep yourself busy or hang out with other friends. That's tough too and I've been in the same situation and just try to go out and have fun on my own with other friends.

Good luck!How can I stop feeling bad about the end of this friendship?
Don't discount the guy because he never had a girlfriend. He may drink heavily Because he never had a girlfriend! I don't know what the gossip was about but it can't have been that bad. That being said....

Just try and talk to him. He probably misses the pseudo-dates as much as you do. Remember you may feel indirectly rejected from not being invited but he was full on rejected face to face by you, and as you said has only had rare occasion with rejection seeing as he has had no girlfriend and all. By all means try and build the bridge back! He can't do it, he didn't burn it down nor has the social skills to do so. It would be great for him to have a Friend-girl to hang with , even if it isn't a ';girlfriend'; and you never know, you might just actually find the diamond in the rough with this guy!

....and just and FYI....It isnt always girls who hold out for ';The One';. I know from experience I was one of them!

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