Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Girlfriend issue. how do I cope?

I have a girlfried that my world basically revolves around. She means everything to me, I am crazy about her, and would do anything for her. Let me make every part of that very clear. She is the best thing to come into my messed up life in quite some time.

Now the issue. Due to some...physiological complications, she has never really been able to experience any feeling while having sex (good or bad). I can still get her off quite easily by stimulating her clitorus (manually or orally), but she has always had that other issue in the past and now. As such, she doesn't ever want to have sex and I would never do it if only I could enjoy it. But this disappointing sexual ineptitude of sorts also makes her weary of doing anything at all. So here come the questions...

I can live with not ';getting off'; even while I have a girlfriend...I'm a big boy, I can think with other parts of my anatomy. However, it plain out sucks that my girlfriend is repulsed by the thought of touching me more than holding hands or a kiss. Every girl I have ever been with has always been all over me so having a girl that means so much to me but doesn't want me at all just makes me feel...unwanted and unimportant to her. Even aside from that, her ex was an *** and used to tell her to have sex with him or he'd leave...so whether she enjoyed it or not, she was all over him despite him treating her like **** and here I am doing everything I can for her, and she doesn't want any of me. Physicality is important in a relationship whether you accept it or not, especially for someone who needs reassurance that everything they feel is mutual. How do I go about accepting/dealing with/changing this? It really destroys me inside.

I'm 20 if age makes a difference.Girlfriend issue. how do I cope?
first off dont do drugs or drink like what that other guy said or else you will get fat and no oe will date you or go out with you because no girl like an acholic. Secoundly talk about it to her and say i love you. Take her out on a romantic dinner and buy her somthing. And buy her some really nice clothes be really nice. And then ask to have sex with her..Girlfriend issue. how do I cope?
okay first of all, you can live without sex and second of all you shouldn't give up on your girlfriend if she doesn't want to have sex with you. she probably was totally beat up with the pressure to have sex with the other guy because he made her do it or else. it sounds unfair to me. if she really were everything you wanted and you care about her then you would understand and wouldn't start to act like her ex boyfriend did. break the BAD habit of having daily sex. she doesn't want it so much now. give her the break she deserves.
Well, this situation is kind of hard to judge but it kind of seems like she isn't telling you the whole truth. I say this because when you're with someone, usually sexual attraction is second nature, so they'll naturally be all over you, and sex is usually often. She can't have feeling during it, which is understandable but why does that make her repulsed to touch you (more than hand holding and blah blah blah)? Seems kind of messed up man. You should talk to her about that.

The thing is man that even though you're feelings are genuine, the fact is that your a 20 yr old guy and you have sexual needs. It's good that you're not one of those guys that feel like they HAVE to have sex but it is an important part of the relationship. Just like you mentioned, it's kind of crap that she did whatever her ex wanted but is somehow repulsed by the guy that loves her. Kind of fishy if you ask me.

You need to get to the bottom of this. Talk to her, try to figure out if there is something she isn't telling you. Tell her about your needs. By the way, if you do tell her all that stuff and express the fact that you may have to breakup if she can't meet your needs, IF she breaks up with you seemingly with no problem, then that's what she wanted all along.
Age totally doesn't make a difference, we all feel the same. I am 22. I think you should sit down with her and talk to her about it, but in a serious way and ask her if she thinks of you like you think of her, make sure you are on the same page... I know If I didn't want to have sex with my bf I might not have it all the time but I sure would have it with him once in a while to keep him happy. I love the guy with all my heart and want to see him as happy as I am even if it means getting him off once in a while, whether I like it or not.

That's how I look at relationships, you give your all to the person you are most happy with and just want some appreciation for all you do. I think you should definitely take a look at your relationship and find out if it is working for her as well as you...

She might not feel the same way about you, it might be hard to digest but sometimes it happens. Life is to short to give everything you got and get nothing in return! think about it, and good luck!!!
start drinking


hell, i get by.
Try to talk to your girlfriend and tell her how much you care about her and what she means to you. Explain that sex doesn't have to be a chore, it is something that both parties should enjoy and want to do with/for each other. Ask her if there is anything you can do to help her feel more comfortable with sex. Make sure you don't pressure her into it, but try to see what makes her uncomfortable/uneasy about it. Maybe she has some other things in her past that have negatively influenced her views on sex. Communication is very important. Try to sit down and talk to her and see if there is anything you can do to help her and most of all, tell her how you feel, that you would enjoy sex with her because you love her and care about her, and of course that it is very enjoyable, especially with 'that special someone'

Good Luck :)
This is a difficult situation, for sure.

First things first: you need to be certain of the stability and the quality of your relationship...that is, evaluate things and make sure that this woman really loves you romantically and sees you as her boyfriend. It doesn't necessarily mean talking to her directly (although that would be the easiest way to get your answers!)...it may mean just being objective and making sure that you are seeing things the way they are. Keep in mind that we can care for people a very great deal without necessarily wanting to be with them romantically.

If you both really love each other, then it really sounds like she needs to consider counseling to help her with certain sexual issues she may have, particularly from her last relationship. Convincing her may be a tough sell, however: you're going to have to be gentle, and you're going to have to express to her that you are interested in sex with her because you are interested in *her* - that you want to make your relationship with her deeper and stronger in the ways that only physical intimacy can.

If your girlfriend is overwhelmingly opposed to this, then you have some thinking to do in terms of this being a possible long-term relationship. I'm not saying that you must break up with her if she doesn't get counseling...rather, you need to consider the long-term implications of her refusal: Are you willing to live the rest of your life like this? What are other considerations...particularly regarding having children (is she going to do in-vitro fertilization)?

Being in a relationship is frequently like the meshing together of two gears: good partners (the gears) can fit together very well...but life and a variety of things just cause those gears to occasionally ';grind'; at each other. Physical intimacy is the ';lubricant'; that helps even out a lot of life's little ';rough spots'; in a relationship and keep things running smoothly. It is possible for a relationship to survive without it, but you will definitely have your work cut out for you...and that's something you need to consider.

Good luck to you both.
Withhold all intimate contact, don't even talk about it or the prospect of it. Give her adequate time to come around on her own. If it's been a month or more without her initiating some kind of contact, have a talk with her regarding the situation, but don't come across as forceful or like she owes you.

Physical intimacy is a big component of an adult relationship, and if she's unable or unwilling to have that with you, it's not fair to you. If she needs counseling or to speak with a doctor, encourage her to do so, even offer to come along if that's something she thinks would help.

If a resolution cannot be made, perhaps you are better off as friends.
i think you should show her this question. you should always be able to tell her anything, especialy something this important. talk to her about it %26amp; im sure you guys could find a solution.
I think your best bet would be counseling, perhaps with a hypnotherapist.

You said there are physiological complications? Well, they can be addressed in a state of hypnosis. Complications untangled.

If she wants to feel different, then there's something to be done. If she feels apathetic beyond the sexual aspect, you may have to cope for a while longer while she deals with whatever trauma or discomfort she's experienced (if she has).

You're right that physicality is important. Know it's affected by something psychological, let her know how you feel about her condition, and see if she's interested in hypnotherapy.
yeesh, complicated

question confuses me

try talking 2 her about it, but dont yell, what ever u do

and dont make her feel like shes messed up, just talk 2 her about how she feels and try 2 understand
how old is she/
How about you stimulate her with your fingers while having sex? It creates a very nice orgasm.

I have the same exact problem. sex just isnt my thing either. If you really love her, you will grow onto her. Also, go very slow, it will help her feel it more. if you go to fast, it will hurt really bad.
Sounds like she may need some counseling to get over her ex-or just give her time or try talking to her a little more about how you feel.

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